I did a lot of things today.

Emily came over and we had a mini-conan party. Mostly we talked and ignored the tv, but there was a cartoon (apparently made by the night's comedian) that featured Conan and the comedian as super-heroes that warded off villains with the blinding palor of their skin and lasers that they shot from their nipples. It was pretty amazing. Then I started watching a show about shipwrecks in the great lakes (which I think is pretty cool) but Emily thought it was boring, so she left. But then the world got back at her, because a show about Denmark came on 10 minutes later. And she missed it.


I had my first Accounting group project today and that was nerve racking. I remember why I quit math. If I did that for a living, I would get ulcers.

And speaking of a living, I am having a very hard time deciding some things right now. Number one is Italy. Do I go or not? Spring or Summer or never? I've been planning to study abroad in college since the eighth grade. I will probably regret it if I don't go. But I also think that people might forget about me if I left. This is not a call for people to say "I wouldn't forget about you", it's just a thought. I'm a fairly forgettable person and my number of really truly "close" friends are limited. A lot of my favorite people I see very rarely, and so it's likely that they don't even know that I think they're awesome. Therefore they will neither notice I'm gone, nor miss me. I guess in the end that way is better, right? If you can leave without anyone missing you or worrying about you, then that is better and you should go. Does that follow? My mom is a whole other essay on this issue, so I will leave her out of it.

Number two on the decisions list is after college. I've been saying law school for a while, but I'm not sure that's really what I want to do. In fact, I haven't really considered any directly related law fields in a while. Mostly it's been nonprofit and stuff, and law would be a great background for that... although not necessarily necessary. Probably I would love law if I tried it--- the thing is, and this is a secret-- I tend to love whatever I'm doing at the moment. Somehow, I am able to decide when I like things and just go with that. Psychology worked that way, I think. But I really do love it now. In fact, psych is the number two option for number two. Grad school? Maybe, it would be fun. But what would I concentrate on? Psych of music? Developmental? I haven't even decided what my favorite theories are yet, but I'm supposed to be studying for the LSAT or the GRE. And then there's option three of number two which is the peace corps.

I think I would do the peace corps right after college if it wasn't for my family. Two years and three months is a long time to be away from a sister you live with normally and a mom who gets depressed when you don't come home every two weeks. It's something I really want to do, but I may have to wait on. But waiting might mean I'm 84 before I get the chance.


So here's what I would really like: you know that seen in the Giver, when they seat all the coming-of-age kids in an auditorium and the teacher or whoever gets up on stage and announces what each child will be doing for the rest of his or her life? That is what I would like. Someone, please stand up now and tell me what I will be good at and what I will do forever. Say, "Nelsen, Amy.. you have been selected..." or whatever. Just don't make me think about this shit anymore. It's driving me beserk. Here are your options for my future: choose wisely.

1. a. Study abroad in the spring
b. Study abroad in the summer
c. Don't study abroad
d. Save up money that doesn't exist and go on a trip to Europe against parents' wishes

2. a. Take the LSAT and go to law school at NYU
b. Take the GRE and go to psychology grad school at Columbia
c. Join the Peace Corps
d. Work in London for 6 months and figure out what's going on
e. Learn the accordian and play in a travelling polka band in Greece